Everything There Is To Learn About Relationships From The 'Love is Blind' Finale
Like always, I have a hell of a lot to say about Love is Blind. The finale wasn’t the best (many have yet to master the art of a finale like Andy Cohen), but like a sucker, here I still am writing about it.
Amber & Barnett
While I do not for one-second stan Barnett’s finale ~lewk~, I still can’t help but stan these two as a couple.
Amber cracked me TF up when she said they hit a rough patch, with one of the reasons for the “rough patch” being that it was hard for her to be “financially dependent” on someone else. Especially since earlier in the season she had revealed her crippling debt and makeup-shopping addiction habit to Barnett. She also said the two had struggled to learn how to “party” together. Maybe if this is an issue, you aren’t mature enough to be getting married yet? But whatever works! They said they even threw the “divorce” word around but looks like they managed to come out of it strong.
KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP:
Be hot and your S/O will look past a lot, namely a total lack of passion and drive
There’s a shoe for every foot/someone will accept your weirdness
Frat boys have feelings too
Jessica & Mark
Despite these two being such a strong focus of the show, they weirdly weren’t the focus of the finale at all. Frankly, the main thing I was focused on was Jessica’s damn CHAPPED LIPS! They couldn’t even give this woman a little lip gloss touch up after pointing the camera at her for the entirety of the finale?! They did this woman DIRTY! Even her fake eyelashes looked terrible. I’m kind of over hating on her, though – America has done enough.
Actually one last thing...Mark looked particularly small in the back row there. Okay, that is all.
KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP:
Age differences don’t matter, but being attracted to the other person does
A shared love of Italian beef and Chicago sports is no reason to consider someone your “soulmate”
Dogs can drink wine
If you are mean and “sheisty” (according to Amber) to your fiance on national television, America will hate you
Kelly & Kenny
Ughhh this one was sad. Kenny was all, “I’m super happy and have no regrets and am in a new and amazing relationship” whereas Kelly was all, “I’m bawling my eyes out and don’t know what love is.”
On the one hand, Kelly looks AMAZING and I’m waiting for her book on how she lost weight for the Love is Blind finale. So Mazel Tov to that. But I’m sad for her that she missed out on something GREAT while it was right in front of her.
KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP:
If you don’t even try to have sex, then you can’t orgasm
Not wanting to marry someone because they have light hair vs. dark hair is NOT a sufficient reason to not marry them
Good guys finish first
Cameron & Lauren
My lord these two are cute. They are super happy which means there’s no drama, though *sigh*.
I love how Cameron said that Lauren has changed him for the better. And that Lauren started crying talking about how she went to the cornfields in Maine. They are total #goals and I can’t wait for their spinoff (tryna manifest this into reality!!!).
KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP:
Don’t just stick to your ‘type’ because the one for you might not be what you thought you wanted at all
Being vulnerable always pays off
Not everyone is racist!
Diamond & Carlton
Oy vey. Where to start. Well, firstly – I appreciate Carlton’s vulnerability admitting that he wished it could’ve ended in him being married to Diamond, and saying that all he wants is to be happy. :(
I felt sad for Diamond when she said she’s gotten a lot of hate from the show. She clearly wasn’t homophobic, she just wished Carlton would’ve been upfront with her from the start. Sounds like these two are on as okay of terms as they could be, though.
KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP:
You should probably tell your partner that you’re bisexual before you get engaged
It’s a good idea to quote Beyonce in a breakup
People do and say crazy things when they’re hurt
Giannina & Damian
Blech. These two make me wanna vomit. I’m glad that G took her extensions out, though!!!
Damian is literally such a pussy for getting back with Giannina. Like, other women exist – you know this, right? And, other women exist that WON’T humiliate you on national TV. They are such a weird couple and stand absolutely no chance in the real world, but I think they both understand that they’ll be getting more press now. Looking forward to Giannani’s first #sponsoredpost.
KEY TAKEAWAYS FROM THIS RELATIONSHIP:
You can tell the world that your fiance is bad in bed and he’ll still stay with you
Opposites can attract, but only for so long (willing to bet on it)
Men are easily blinded by looks
Vanessa & Nick Lachey
And none for you Gretchen Weiners.
I shared this over on www.sydneymkaplan.com too!
